april 15th

23.06 - Do you think Moby is like all other bloggers, who religiously and obsessively check their stats to see who's linking to their site?

As a little experiment, if everyone could click here - we'll show up as referrring loads of people to his site, then perhaps Moby might drop by and leave an 'arse'. Or not. Anyway, anyone who samples Twin Peaks is all right by me. I wonder if he has Sherilyn Fenn's phone number...


09.14 - Good news ahead of tomorrow's big game, is that Patrick Vieira is winning the race to be fit, and he's looking forward to his battle with Roy Keane in the middle of the park. "Roy has had some bad injuries and, maybe, it has taken time for him to come back to his best. But he is still one of the top midfielders in the game. I always enjoy playing against him."

Thierry Henry urges AW to stick with the same players for next season according to The Sun. What I think h means here is that the boss should keep the existing players together as well as adding a couple of new players in positions were really need them. Like centre-half.

Quite possibly we'll need a new goalkeeper as well, despite his incredible save against Sheffield United, and despite Alan Shearer saying "There's nobody better", it seems Arsenal will battle it out with Man Utd for Turkish keeper Rustu. The Telegraph say that negotiations with the Gunners are at an advanced stage and that Mrs Rustu was shown 3 hourses in the North London area while her husband was playing for Turkey at the Stadium of Light against England.

Quite rightly, DS1 is getting all the praise he deserves for that save. Modestly, Gordon Banks says, "You would have to put this one by David in the same category as mine against Pele in 1970." This is the same Gordon Banks that urged England to drop Seaman and play Calmity James a few months ago.

Was it the best save ever? For me, yes. I've never seen anything quite so good in my life. My stomach was already doing the 'Oh for fucks sake they've scored' thing when all of a sudden out went one of those spade hands and you know the rest. I have found a decent picture of it, and you can now download a hi-res wallpaper of the greatest save ever in the members area. If you're not a member, find out how you can join here.

I think the war, the pressure of the end of season games and the bag of sinsemilla he found in an old tweed coat have made our good friend Leopold go a little funny. 'My kingdom for a horse', the latest installment on the real ANR.

april 14th

11.34 - So, it's Southampton in the FA Cup final on May 17th. They beat Watford 2-1, so it's Wenger versus Strachan. Two managers for whom English is not their first language. Anyway, that's a few weeks away yet, so we can forget about it for the time being.

Of much greater importance right now is Wednesday's game against Man Utd. Bad news for us is that Patrick Vieira is only 50/50 to start the game - which is reasonable enough I suppose. He either will or he won't. The captain suffered a recurrence of his knee injury in the first half - which seemed to be exacerbated by Michael Brown's cowardly rake down the back of his leg in the second half. I suspect that Patrick will recieve whatever injections, massages, therapy and hypnosis is needed to get him on the park for Wednesday.

David Seaman will stay at Arsenal next season, for sure, although we're not 100% certain in what capacity. AW says "I have not made my mind up completely about next season but David will stay with us, certainly as goalkeeping coach at the club. It could be if he's still number one next season that he could take it slowly and become number two and number three and still take the goalkeeping coaching sessions."

Anyway, I'll try and track down a decent sized picture of that save yesterday and make a wallpaper - which of course will only be available to arseblog.com members.

David Seaman makes his wonder save against Sheffield United

Going into Wednesday's game, AW is confident the Gunners can retain the title, despite Ferguson's bleatings about how he should never have said his team could win it. "In England, every time I say that we can win the league, it seems that it's shocking. What do you want me to say? That I want to lose the league? That would be even more shocking."

It's not all down to this game on Wednesday, a draw would leave both sides still with a chance, a win would give us the advantage, but if United win, they'll go 6 clear with a game in hand and we'll be relying on other people to do us a favour. Whatever happens, we have to make sure it's still in our own hands come the end of Wednesday. I'm nervous already.

april 13th

16.55 - Sheffield United 0-1 Arsenal (Ljungberg)

Shades of last year's semi-final against Boro in terms of performance, you'd have to say. Sheffield United were well up for it, pressuring Arsenal all over the pitch, not letting us settle and certainly not letting us play our football.

This led to them cancelling out our attacking threat, and as they didn't have an attacking threat in the first place, it made for fairly dull viewing.

Of course, when Graham Poll is the referee, you can be sure there'll be some kind of incident to keep the headline writers happy - and true to form, the Ming from Tring was involved in the game's biggest incident.

Sheffield United striker Wayne Allison tumbled under a Sol Campbell challenge, I don't really think it was a foul. However, the replays showed he got a kick in the bag as Sol tried to play the ball and then stayed down. The ref said 'play on'. So we did. He then made the kind of blocking move that an American footballer would have been proud of, getting in the way as the Sheffield United player went to get the ball.

After some nifty play Jeffers squared for Wiltord whose dinky shot hit the post, he followed it up, whacked it again, it came off the arse of the Sheffield defender and Freddie tucked away the rebound. 1-0 to the Arsenal.

Sheffield manager Neil Warnock was furious that Poll didn't stop play for the injured player. Now, I'm all for stopping play when a player gets seriously hurt, but there was nothing much the matter with Allison, so I reckon playing on was fair enough. However, I do understand how pissed off he must be about the blocking incident. He said "He was their best midfielder in the run up to the goal". heh.

Quite why he was that close the play is beyond me, but all the same, we've had so much crap from Poll over the last couple of seasons this makes up for it. Sorry Sheffield United, you were committed and full of running and brave and courageous and all those other things that lower division teams are when they play a top team, but these things happen. Anyway, to make amends, Poll seemed to give every single decision their way for the first half hour of the second half.

Arsenal can give huge thanks to David Seaman as well, who made the most incredible save in the last 10 minutes. Sheff Utd had a corner, it got knocked back in, there was a mis-hit volley, Seamo went one way, the ball went the other, Peschisolido nodded it towards the empty net and somehow Spunky managed to change direction, and get enough of a hand on the ball to fling it away. Unbelievable. In the BBC studio, Peter Schmeichel called it one of the best saves he'd ever seen.

So it's a 3rd successive final for Arsenal, we can forget about the cup, and now the focus can change to Wednesday night's game against Man Utd. It'll need a much better performance to take 3 points against United, but you can't read too much into a game like this one. Well done the lads.

april 12th

09.54 - Good news, somebody!

Arsenal's injury crisis appears to have lessened considerably, and apart from Robert Pires, everyone is available for selection fo the FA Cup semi-final against Sheffield United. That said, it seems as if AW will not be taking any chances and will rest some players. Stuart Taylor will continue in goal, Oleg Luzhny should play at centre-half, and true to form, Gilberto, Bergkamp and Thierry will be on the bench. Edu will come into the centre of the midfield, Ray Parlour or Sylvain Wiltord will play on the right, and up to we'll have Wiltord/Kanu and Franny Jeffers.

There will be a practice match on Sunday for the players that don't travel to Old Trafford, to prepare them for the league game on Wednesday against Man Utd. The last time Arsenal played Sheffield United in the cup was when Steve Bruce was in charge and he threw a strop after Kanu had broken and unwritten rule by taking the ball when Ray Parlour was throwing it back to them after one of their players was injurd. Kanu squared it for Overmars who scored the winning goal. 2-1 Arsenal. But, in the interests of fair play the game was replayed, and Arsenal won it 2-1 again. Dennis Bergkamp scored a beauty if I remember correctly.

If we do make it to the final, Freddie Ljungberg could become the first person ever to score in 3 consecutive finals. He's also revealed that Arsenal are 'envious' that Man Utd are still in Europe and that the players are determined to do a Double-Double. This is certainly crunch time in the season now - there's a lot riding on these next couple of results. Fingers, and everything else (apart from testicles) crossed.

For you weekend browsers, don't forget you can now become an Arseblog member, and gain access to an exclusive area, get your own arseblog.com email address and other cool stuff. More details here, and you can see a preview of the latest addition to members area - a wallpaper featuring Alan Sunderland just after scoring the winner in the 1979 Cup Final - here.

Right then, time for some brekkie, some Soccer AM, then I might just watch the two Uniteds kick lumps out of each other.

april 11th

08.57 - A big thank you to all of you who became Arseblog members yesterday. Members...heh. Anyway, so many of you signed up I can now afford that island I've always wanted and I have enough money to pay somebody else to write the site. I'm negotiating with Helen Fielding and soon this site will become 'Vinnie Jones's Diary'. Seriously though, thank you all, it's much appreciated.

There's some actual football news today, which makes quite the change. According to The Sun, AW is after Chelsea's William Gallas. Not 'after him' in the sense that he's going to duff him up after school, but after him in the 'Oh christ I need some cunt better than Cygan and John Terry is too expensive' sense. I am also encouraged by the Chairman's words about AW having money to spend, "We have other costs but there is no point having a new ground if you haven't got a decent team."

AW could slap the Chairman's wad out up at Elland Road as well, as it seems Peter Ridsdale's spend-spend-spend...and what the fuck, let's spend-spend-spend some more (£7m for Seth Johnson.....hahahaha) attitude means more of Leeds' top players will have to go to balance the books. The target for Arsenal is goalkeeper Paul Robinson and the Gunners are set to meet Leeds' asking price according to the Guardian.

Lauren has spoken of how much he loves it Arsenal now after some initial difficulties when he arrived first. His missus, who is from the south of Spain, missed her family and the sunshine and the sea and the climate and paella and 65 hour drinking sessions that are common in Andalucia. Lauren himself had problems because everybody teased him about his funny hairstyle, but now he and the good lady are well settled in London. He says "In my opinion, Arsenal are the best club in the world in terms of organisation. If you need something, then they are always there and all you have to focus on is giving your best."

The Arsenal players are confident ahead of Sunday's FA Cup semi-final, despite the fact that Martin Keown is likely to be missing still. It means that Super Oleg will probably play in central defence as Pascan't Cygimp is suspended.

Finally for today, the FA - that are so quick to punish players for slightest indiscretion - have decided to just issue a stern warning to Chelsea after Thierry Henry was hit in the eye with a scud missile during the 1/4 replay at Stamford Bridge. This is despite the fact that Chelsea fans threw a coin at him during the first game at Highbury. To be fair to Chelsea they've banned 27 supporters involved in the coin throwing incident, which shows you how many of their giant-brains it took to work it out.

Fan1: "Frow da coin at da Frog cahnt" Fan2: "Der?" Fan 3:"Chack dis facking coin at dat French cahnt dowen deyah" Fan 2:"Dur?".....(some time later)...Fan 27: "You...Dewek, fling this facking coin at that facking cahnt wiv namber 14 on 'is back...awright?" Fan 2: "Ahhhhhhhh.....why dint you facking saydat in the first place?"

They'd been planning it since the 3rd minute of the game.

april 10th

08.56 - It's a fairly slow morning news wise. By news I mean Arsenal news, and not the other inconsequential news like the war and...er....ehm....well, I don' think anything else has happened in the world since the war began. Surely the news channels wouldn't just dedicate themselves to the war while other things were going on. No way. They have too much integrity to do something like that.

Thierry Henry is ready for what could be the biggest week in Arsenal's season so far. Sheffield United on Sunday, then Wednesday we have Man Utd at Highbury. Sheffield United striker Steve 'Shabba' Kabba 'Diawara' is ready to pull himself off. I mean, help pull someone off. Sorry, pull off a shock. Apparently he learned a lot from watching WWW - "When I was younger I used to watch Ian Wright and learned a lot from him." Which is just what I said. He's also warned Arsenal not to underestimate Sheffield United - "Don't underestimate us Arsenal" is something he might have said if he was talking to Arsenal as a whole. Which he wasn't, and didn't. Or won't.

Right, so you've probably seen the pic to your left, and the new 'members' link at the top of the page. This is because I have set up a members area, funnily enough. As you all probably know, the site has grown a lot in the last few months, like an ugly boil on the backside of the internet, we just keep getting bigger and bigger. Many sites will ask you for a donation and expect you to cough up without giving you anything extra - the privilege of visiting their site should be enough. Not here, oh no.

Here's what you get if you become an Arseblog member:

  • Exclusive access to my 'special area'
  • a brand new set of first team player wallpapers, created exclusively for members
  • your own arseblog.com email address e.g yourname@arseblog.com (access via webmail in the members area)
  • a secret thing I just can't tell you about
  • access to all future wallpapers and hi-res pics which will only be available in the members area from now on
  • a warm happy feeling knowing you've helped out Arseblog

The cost of becoming a member is a once off payment of $20. That's around €18.50, a mere £12.85 or an insignificant 32991991 Turkish Lira.

You'll find more details here about the whole thing, reasons why and how to pay. If you have any questions, leave a comment or send me an email via this form.

april 9th

08.58 - Things are gonna change around here, oh yes. Expect an announcement shortly that will not only turn the blogging world and the football world upside down, the repercussions will be felt as far away as....er....the bottom of my road and once again middle-earth will have to battle to save their domain from the terrible wrath of the big angry eye that lives on top of a volcano (no wonder he's always fuckin' angry, bits of lava shooting into your cornea all day long).

Well, it might not be that important or interesting, but there's definitely something going on. Will fill you in soon.

Jermaine Pennant has said 'sorry' for his bad-boy behaviour. Instead of being tucked up in bed, he was giving it loads to S-Club7 in some dodgy nightclub with some blonde girl called Michelle who was drinking Babycham all night. He wants it to be a turning point in his career, which is good. When Arsene Wenger says you are 'the biggest talent of his age-group in England', then that's surely all the motivation you need to work hard and become a regular in the first team squad. That and loads of money. And blonde birds who drink babycham.

We should see Ashley Cole back for the semi-final against Sheffield United who have some defensive problems of their own ahead of Sunday's game. Freddie Ljungberg has played down talk of a further rift with Swedish teammate Olaf "Beardy" Mellberg. You might remember the two of them had a bit of a scrap before the World Cup when Freddie objected to an OTT tackle from the Fishmerman looking bloke. During Sunday's game David Bellamyberg was left with a cut eye when the two of them contested a header. Mellberg says there was nothing in it and this picture of them holding hands is proof positive that they're good old friends.

It's nice to see Arseweb's newsreel getting some regular updates again - although it seems they'll let any old cunt do it these days.

Right then, I'll be off to continue working on my secret project. In my lab. With a big jar of opium and some ether. I will create life. Even if it is mutated, hideous and deformed.

april 8th

08.31 - Some stuff I saw yesterday.

I saw a little boy laugh so hard a big tentacle of snot shot out of his nose and as he tried to stop it, it whiplashed into his mouth. I saw a one-armed man, I think his name was Mike, rollerblading. I saw a builder fall into a hole...in his digging machine. I saw a big long snake slithering across the road, looking all green and mean until he got run over. And finally, I saw a cloud that just like Steffi Graf.

It's weird the things you see some days, eh?

Andy Gray reckons Man United are going to win the title because they have the momentum. It will be interesting to see if their momentum can carry them through games against Real Madrid, Newcastle, Arsenal, Real Madrid or if their momentum will stop momentuming and becomes reverse momentum.

Patrick Vieira says he's going to play through the pain to ensure Arsenal stay on track for the title, and while our challenge is being referred to as 'suddenly shaky', it takes Jonny Positive of the Arseblog community to point out that we've only lost 2 games since December, in all competitions. Yes, the 5 point lead is gone, but if Newcastle take anything from their game United and we do them at home, it all looks rosy again. So, all my mental powers are now focussed on sending good, positive, sweet smelling vibes to the lads and not on trying to get Robbie Williams to sleepwalk over a cliff.

Wimbledon boss Stuart Murdoch, now thankfully retired from hair-raising adventures with B.A, Face, Hannibal and their funky van, reckons that Moritz Volz has shown enough in his loan spell with the Dons to prove he can make it at Highbury. He says “We would have been highly delighted if he’d stayed with us but they feel he will be good enough eventually for their side."

So, it's all eyes on Madrid tonight. I'm hoping for a 4-1 Madrid win, van Nistelrooy to fracture his torso, Beckham to rupture his spleen chasing Roberto Carlos, Barthez to decide tonight's a good night to start his charging out of the area antics again and Rio Ferdinand to have his face turned inside out....oh wait, if that happens to Rio it'll mean his face is the right way around. Let's just go with the first 3 then.

Finally for today, this is Farking excellent. This one is my fave.


april 7th

9.26 - So now there's the best part of a week before we play again. Sheffield United in the semi-final of the FA Cup. In the meantime, Man Utd will take on Real Madrid in the Champions League, hopefully picking up a few injuries, cripplings and maimings along the way.

Arsenal skipper Patrick Vieira (who says he wants to stay at Arsenal for life) is still confident of success though, despite the fact that Arsenal only lead by goal difference. More than most teams, I think Arsenal suffer when there is a break for international games. Without trying to go too Leopoldish, Arsenal are a rhythm team - when they feel the beat and get their dancing gear on, there's nobody can out-groove them. However, international weeks are like the DJ putting on 'Black Betty' in the middle of some swinging samba set. It knocks them out of their stride, and they end up moshing strangely around the park. Or something. You know what I mean.

Anyway, Arsene has a week to get the players boogieing (how do you spell that anyway?) again, then it's slow-slow-quick-quick-slow all the way to May.

It looks like Newcastle's title challenge is over after a 2-1 loss to Everton yesterday. Looking at this tackle from Everton's Tomas Gravesen, I wonder how much more we'd be hearing about it if it was an Arsenal player. Let's just hope the Toon can do us a favour and stuff United, then hopefully we can stuff United, then Real Madrid can stuff United and United can get stuffed in general. Anyone else read that Mike Riley has given 6 penalties to them this season at Old Trafford? Suspect, you have to think.

How was your weekend then?

april 6th

13.16 - Right, after yesterday's disappointing draw with Aston Villa, I sat down last night, with page after page of statistics, articles, physical performance charts, results and a bottle of Jameson, and I decided to do an in-depth analysis of the Arsenal team. After much refining, hard word and number crunching, I am pleased to be able to share the results with you today. It doesn't make pretty reading.

Goalkeepers - in this area I concluded we're crap. A 40 year old, a bloke with Ian Walker hair, a Swegyptian with a broken leg, and some French bloke who looks like Lionel Blair.

Defence - after much soul searching, I have to conclude we're crap here too. We have Sol Campbell who will always have his Tottenham breeding against him, Cygan is crap, Keown is too old, Ashley Cole is a failed forward, Lauren is a midfielder, Oleg is as old as the Urals and Kolo Toure is an own-goal specialist.

Midfield - yes, you've guessed it..crap. Vieira, way too tall to be a world class player, not like your David Battys or Paul Scholes's's's - proper pint sized midfielders that everyone knows are best. Gilberto = Gimpberto, those cheekbones would be better off on a catwalk in Milan that on the precious turf of THOF. Edu - another own-goal specialist. Gio, always injured. Parlour, too ginger. Freddie, more interested in the latest fur collared coat from some trendy market than turning up his collar and getting stuck in for the Gunners. Wiltord - his head is pointy, I don't think I need to say any more than that.

Forwards - Crap, with a capital C. Henry has lightning pace, but he's just a 3 season flash in the pan. Jeffers, with those ears he should quite literally fly around the pitch, instead he dives and does nothing when he's given 5 minutes at the end of a game to prove himself - a waste of space. Kanu - Kan'tu more like it. Bergkamp - if big games were life in general, and Dennis was 8 years old, his mum would be going mental coz he'd be going missing all the time.

Arsene Wenger is pissed off......

Manager - CRAP. So winning two doubles means you're great all of a sudden, does it? Revolutionising a club from top to bottom should be lauded as some kind of achievement? Producing a team for the most part plays wonderful attacking football is something to be proud of? Rubbish. He's crap, and we all know it.

My arse - what we need is a proper Arsenal side like the one we had in the 80s. How I yearn for the days when Chris Whyte would play centre forward, we had quality like Niall Quinn and Paul Mariner up-front, and wizards like Kevin Richardson and Perry Groves strutting their stuff in midfied. Not to mention competent goalkeeping from George Wood.

Just remember, if we win something this season, it will be more by accident than design. Another fluke for Wenger and his flukey players to add their previous flukes in 1998 and 2002.

Bring back Terry Neill, before it's too late.

april 5th

18.06 - Aston Villa 1-1 Arsenal (Ljungberg, Toure og)

The dullest game of all time. Freddie gave us the lead with his first goal since November. Cygan, the big fucking twat, cost us points again for the first time since....er....Blackburn, arsing around with the ball in the box, and before the Villa stiker could score, Toure hammered in a belter of an own goal trying to clear the ball...which is what Cygan should have done in the first place.

All square at the top of the table tonight. The 5 point lead is gone. The Utd game at THOF is so important now. Let's hope Keown is fit.

My kingdom for a decent centre-half.

Update: I may have been a bit harsh on Cygan. Doesn't mean he's not a useless bald twat though.

april 4th

11.45 - There has been little argument over the fact that Jermaine Pennant is an extremely talented young man. Signed for £2m at 16 years of age, you'd have to have something special for Arsene Wenger to pay that much for you at that age. However, there have been lingering doubts over his application. This weekend he was sent home by England Under-21 boss David Platt for breaking curfew after the England team's return from Portugal at the weekend.

There have been many Arsenal fans who want to see him given a go on the right hand side of midfield, and remain puzzled by the manager's reluctance to play him. Maybe this is a clue why he doesn't get a game. Does a 16 year old signed on a big contract to one of the biggest clubs in England have the hunger to dedicate themselves 100% to football? Compare and contrast to Kolo Toure - not as naturally gifted a footballer as Pennant - who has played over 20 games for the first team this season. Because he works hard, is professional in his approach and doesn't do stupid things like break curfews and get involved in nightclub scraps. It would be a shame if Pennant never made it at Arsenal, he's obviously talented enough, but maybe he'd be better off being a big fish in a small pond somewhere else.

Lauren reveals he may return to international football at some stage. Erm. Zzzzzz. The latest in the never-ending stream of goalkeepers to be linked with Arsenal is Celta Vigo's Pablo Cavallero. Arsenal take on Aston Villa tomorrow - out injured are Seaman, Keown, van Bronckhorst, Robert Pires and despite playing the reserves in midweek, Ashley Cole might not be fit enough to take part. Jeremie Aliaidiere is out for the rest of the season having undergone a hernia operation.

There has been some discussion on the forum about embarassing celebrity Arsenal fans - but just thank your lucky stars this pair of smelly old tramps chose exactly the right club to support.

Finally for today, if you fancy your own football website or blog, check out blogfc.com. It doesn't have to be about football either, blogfc can host your blog no matter what the topic. If you want a custom hosting package, just email them and tell them what you want. They'll get back to you with a nice price.

april 3rd

08.58 - What an odd place Spain is. The sky is blue, the sun is beaming already, and there's a 70mph wind blowing that looks like it's going to uproot the trees in the park behind my house. Oh well.

Arsenal transfer target Rustu was impressive enough against England last night, one early mistake aside. The war-paint is designed to intimidate opponents, so somebody should tell him wearing a Pringle polo-neck under his goalkeeper's jersey undoes all the hard work. Once again though a good night for English football was marred by the small minority utter cunts that follow their national side. Singing 'No Surrender to the IRA' in the middle of a war against Iraq.....good one brainiacs.

I have a theory: anybody caught perpetrating violence at a football match, running onto the pitch, fighting, wearing a Burberry hat etc, should be shot in the leg. That would make them think twice about acting like such a fuckwit, and would certainly act as a deterrent to the other idiots. Yes, some innocent people would get shot at first, but eventually the threat of having a hole blown through your leg by a high-powered pistol would eliminate football violence forever.

Francis Jeffers has been hailed as the 'next Alan Shearer' by Jermaine Jenas. All he needs to do is add sly elbows to his game - he's got the diving and goalscoring parts down though. AW claims he is as calm as ever now that the season really starts to hot up. Villa on Saturday, then an FA Cup semi-final, them Man Utd at THOF. Stupid giving up smoking....

Arsenal's Irish striker Graham Barrett, who is not on loan at Beveren, but is on loan at Brighton, talks about his career and hopes for the future.

Best job ever.

april 2nd

10.55 - So, no doubt you've figured out yesterday's Google story was an April Fool's gag. They did not send me a cease and desist letter at all. Well, they sent me one yesterday to cease and desist making up stories about them....er....I should give it a rest now, eh?

It seems my cunning double bluff of telling you last year I was going to do my April Fool's story a day early, doing a story on March 31st, then doing the real one on April Fool's day worked a charm. Of course I'm totally ruined now for April Fool's gags from now on. Next year is just a write off. Expect April Fool's day 2004 to fall sometime in mid-January here on Arseblog.

The story did appear on this website, but now seems to have vanished into the cyber-ether, never to be seen again - until Google's cache picks it up of course. I can't really understand why somebody would delete it....it's not like they fell for the old 'Your laces are undone....no seriously they are....look....come on....I wouldn't lie to you...look....I swear....they are undone.....you'll trip up....come oooooooon.....HAHAHAHA - MADE YOU LOOK' gag. Other people ran the story without deleting it afterwards....

Amazingly, there's actually some Arsenal news about today. Ashley Cole could play against Villa on Saturday after making a comeback against Peterborough reserves yesterday. He played and scored in the 4-2 win for the Gunners. Oleg Luzhny also took part. Robert Pires and GvB will miss the game through injury though.

According to reports in Germany Arsenal have made an enquiry for Yugolsavian defender Mladen Krstajic. Nope, I've never heard of him either. Well done to Francis Jeffers who last night equalled Alan Shearer's goal scoring record at under-21 level. 13 goals in 13 games. If he stays fit, I reckon he's going to be an important player for us for years to come.

A big question that has needed answering in recent weeks is 'Where the hell is Leopold Mendacious?' To be honest, I haven't got a clue. I suspect Absinthe, opium dens and international mysteries, but never can tell with him. Anyway, he's back and his latest offering 'It's nice and warm in the belly of the beast' can now be found over on the real ANR.

Finally for today, congratulations to regular 'arser' and all-round Canadian bloke Dan, who got married last weekend in San Francisco - the only place in the world that would let a bloke marry a hockey stick dressed in a leather mini-skirt, an Arsenal away shirt and with a bottle of scotch for a head. Well done, Sir.

april 1st 2003

08.55 - Welcome to a brand new month here on Arseblog.

Right, well yesterday was the day I did the April Fools gag - after last year's Kluivert story fooled but a few I said "Next year I'll have to do it on March 31st so it won't be so obvious. Of course, telling you about it is fairly obvious......"

And indeed it was - I think I caught a few of you out but most of you realised it was just me messing around. Not however, this poor unfortunate Sp*rs fan.

Which leads me on to my next little subject - when I got in from work last night, I checked my email as I always do. In amongst the assorted crap, offers for Norton Systemworks (why is every fucker in the world trying to sell that at the moment?), toner cartridge offers and so on, I discovered I had a cease and desist order from Google telling me I can no longer use the name 'arseblogger'.

Since they bought the blogger service, people have speculated as to the impact it might have on the blogging community. Well, here's your first little taste of it, prepare to call yourself something other than a 'blogger' (a blogophiser or blogster or a blogmeister) on your site. Maybe only people who use the new Google powered Blogger are allowed call themselves 'bloggers', but at this stage it's a bit like trying to call my Dyson something other than a Hoover.

I have written to them to ask if they're really serious about this, but I guess they have to be to send something like that in the first place. I also asked if they wanted me to just stop calling myself 'arseblogger' from now on, or do I have to modify all instances of the name site-wide. Anyway, it all just seems a bit cunty to me.

Welcome to the new era of blogging. I'm off to register 'googlearecunts.blogspot.com'.

arseblogger (hey, I still have 7 days)

Here's a copy of the email:

Date: Mon, 31 Mar 2003 15:57:42 -0700
To: arseblogger@arseblog.com
Subject: Use of the term 'blogger' - www.arseblog.com

Dear Sir or Madam:
I am corporate counsel for Google Inc. The site referenced above has been
brought to my attention. As this is a clear violation of our copyrights, we
must ask that you disable or substantially modify this page as soon as possible
and confirm in writing that you will not use our registered trademark without our
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