The past, the present and a capital idea

This morning I was looking back through the archives to see if I could do an ‘On this day’, kind of feature. I think I picked a bad day.

My choices were: the day after Thierry Henry left (2007), us being linked very heavily with Alexander Hleb (2005), Jens Lehmann talking about how we should sign Miroslav Klose (2006), Barcelona talking about wanting to sign Thierry (2003), vaguely hoping Igors Stepanovs might cripple Ruud van Nistelrooy in the Euros (2004) and a quote from Chris Waddle talking on 5Live about the Swedish back four at the 2002 World Cup:

The Swedish back four is amongst the tallest in the world cup. their average age is 7 foot 4.

I think I might have made that up,to be honest, although it does sound something like Waddle would say. So as you can see June has traditionally been a bit on the tedious side. It wasn’t until later in June 2002 that the real excitement started, the news emerged that we were about to sign Pascal Cygan.

2003 was a bit more interesting, Seaman had gone and every goalkeeper under the sun was being linked with us. Gregory Coupet, Canizares, Paul Robinson, a guy called Sebastian Saja who, if I remember correctly, announced on his own website (which was very funky at the time) that he was joining us. Amazingly it turned out to be complete and utter bollocks and a quick Googling tells me that he’s now plying his trade at AEK Athens. His website doesn’t seem to be working either.

It is a time of year when players try and do groundwork on possible moves though. In 2008 we were right in the middle of the Adebayor stuff. He’d given an interview to El Mundo talking about how much he loved Thierry Henry and how much he’d love to be Thierry Henry’s teammate, friend, best pal, chum, flatmate, live-in lover and basically wherever Thierry went he’d be happy to go too. Yes, if Thierry Henry jumped off a cliff then by the fast-speaking Gods of Togonia he would do exactly the same. He was pictured, smiling his head off, reading a copy of El Mundo to show Thierry he was willing to get into the Barcelona culture.

Then he Hoddled the shit out of it by saying he never said them things and that all he wanted was a bazillion more money to be happy at Arsenal again and nobody understood him. Frankly, when footballers go on their summer holidays it should be made illegal for them to talk to anyone except possibly their wives and immediate family. If it were up to me, and I had the means, I would purchase an island, call it ‘Spangles’ or ‘The Roxy’, decorate it like a tacky nightclub, and make it mandatory for all footballers to spend their summer holidays there, together, at the same time.

No mobile phones, no Twitter, no interviews, nothing. Any of them break the rules then it’s into the piranha tank like John Terry on his arrival.

“But I didn’t break no rules”.

“Shut up and swim, you patchy haired, penalty shanking, blubbering cuntbag”.

“Arrrrggh, it hurts, they’re eating my legs off”.


You see, that way we could just get on with being bored without being occasionally outraged that a footballer has said something not precisely to our liking.

“He said ‘In football you never know what can happen’?! This lack of 100% commitment to my club at all times is a disgrace despite the fact we all know that you do never know what can happen in football. How dare he not be willing to die in the name of an tightly run business organisation that sells overpriced pies? OFF WITH HIS HEAD!”

Perhaps if there are any interested venture capitalists out there they might get in touch and we could discuss this further. At the very least the John Terry in a piranha tank idea is worth exploring. I know the long-term prospects of it aren’t good, what with their being only one John Terry, but we could diversify. Call me.

As for today, the here and now, there’s little to report. The Mirror has a story about Gael Clichy wanting to go to Liverpool despite interest from Roma. Arsenal are, apparently, more keen to sell him abroad. I guess that’s because we’re worried that a change of scenery could mean Clichy is like an old telly.

Remember when the reception was bad and you had to give it a slap to stop the lines rolling up and down the screen? A move to another club might be the slap the telly needs to learn when to clear the ball in dangerous situations, how to play the offside trap and how not to fall over when an opponent stares at you a bit too intensely.

In seriousness, I like Clichy but I think his tendency to make costly errors is one we can only live with so long. Maybe it’s just a phase he’s going through but at some point you have to make a decision and Clichy’s refusal to sign a new deal means we’ve got to make that decision now. Liverpool, Roma, I don’t think it really matters, but I’d prefer him to go to Italy. I don’t like seeing players I quite like in shirts I don’t.

The Mail links us again with Phil Jagielka but if Clichy is off then he’s not the Everton player we should be looking at. Leighton Baines would be an excellent candidate to take over at left back, he’d add some end product in the final third which Gael has never had consistently, but whether or not they’d be willing to let one of their best players go remains to be seen.

Hopes, such as they are, of signing Christopher Samba have taken a setback with Blackburn saying they don’t need the cash (what with the millions off United for Jones), and they don’t want to sell in the first place.

And remenber, for news during the day, bookmark Arseblog News and/or follow us on Twitter.

Finally for today, while the transfer market might be slow and frustrating, get yourselves into the t-shirt market at Arseblog Store. All t-shirts now selling for a summer sale-tastic €12.99. You’ll also find prints, iPhone skins and the very last of the famous, life affirming, hangover curing *boilk* mugs (just 10 left)., sorry folks: all *boilk* mugs now gone.

And remember, every purchase enters you into a draw to win an Arseblog engraved iPod shuffle – which reminded me I forgot completely to dish out May’s prize. RNG has done its thing and congratulations to Dan Peel in Bournemouth. I’ll be in touch to get that sent out to you.

And that’s that. June continues but there’s some blue sky here this morning. Maybe things are looking up.