I was hoping to have a bit of a lie-in this morning but having not shaved for about 10 days my beard is as itchy as a knacker’s minge and it disturbed my dreams. Boo, I say.
Not that there’s much to get up for this morning. I don’t mean that in a life way, but in an Arsenal way. There really is very little going on. Cesc is talking about the World Cup final and how he wants to play some part in the game tomorrow. He also talks about facing Robin van Persie and says:
I have been texting him and we realised the only way we could face each other here was in the World Cup final. We joked about it after the early games and it is fantastic that it has now actually happened.
It is great for us and it is great for Arsenal to have two players at the World Cup final.
Meanwhile, perpetual mouthpiece Xavi has been blathering on again about Cesc’s biology. No mention of his DNA this time but he says Cesc’s head and heart are already in Barcelona. Which would be handy if he were flying back with Ryanair because trying to fit those heavy things in your suitcase would certainly put you over the weight limit.
I know I’ve said this before but I’d really like to punch Xavi in the face with a boxing glove which has a horseshoe inside it. Or lure him to a spot beneath a high cliff with some ACME Xavi Feed and then drop a 25 ton weight on him, ensuring that any coyote like backfiring does not take place. I would even turn to the dark side and create a situation where Xavi felt like he had to fight for the rebels and then when we had our final lightsaber showdown I would say to him “Xavi, I am your father!” and he would all like “Nooooooo … you can’t be!” and I’d say “Of course I’m not you stupid cunt” and instead of just cutting off his hand I’d cut his head off and throw it down that big giant space tunnel where it would fall out the bottom hitting Lando Calrissian on his stupid big Apollo Creed looking head.
Why must he talk all the time? Why can’t he just mind his own business? Will he continue to talk on Cesc’s behalf if and when he does go to Barcelona? When they’ve finished training and gone for lunch Cesc will try to order and there will be Xavi.
“Cesc will have the pig’s trotters, the bocadillo de Paulpo and the monkey paw”.
“But I wanted the pasta”.
“Sssshhh, you’re my Cesc now, Dave”.
We can only hope that he is struck down with permanent laryngitis and that nobody thinks to buy him a Speak & Spell or a notepad. Or they do buy him a notepad and no pencil so he’s forced to write in his own blood like Sideshow Bob.
Sandra Rosell says:
We want a quick decision: Yes or no.
How about no? Then fuck off.
In other news Owen Coyle would like Jack Wilshere at Bolton for another season. I’m dubious about letting him go, I have to say. Obviously Coyle is a different kind of Bolton manager than the ones we’ve been used to in the past. If it had been Allardyce I’d have sent Sylvester up there disguised as Wilshere and strapped with TNT but he clearly learned a lot during his loan spell. I suppose it all depends on how much football he’s going to play this season but personally I’d rather see him emerge as an Arsenal player than a Bolton player on loan from Arsenal.
And beyond that there’s not much going on. I see we’ve been linked with a goalkeeper called Handovic, or something. Please let his first name be Fingers. I look forward to our search for a forward called Goalatron.
Till tomorrow, weekenders.