Monthly Archives: December 2007

Adebayor can hoover – happy new year from Arseblog

Good morning to you all. Let this be the last *boilk* of 2007. Oh beer and gin, when will you stop being so delicious? Not that I drank beer mixed with gin, that would be a very Jeff thing to do, but the bottle of Bombay Sapphire the Blogfather brought me back from his travels around Europe a little while back had been sitting there unopened for just too long. Sadly I had only lemons when everybody knows a slice of orange is what makes the best gin and tonic but beggars can’t be choosers, and all that.

Given it’s the last day of the year it might be time to do one of those ‘Highlights of 2007′ things. On the other hand that would mean having to think about stuff and I know that you wouldn’t expect me to do that this morning. So I shall just talk about whatever the hell there is to talk about and that shall be very much that.

It seems that rumours about Fran Merida going back to Spain on loan are true. According to a source ‘close to Merida’:

This is definitely just a temporary switch as Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger thinks very highly of Fran. It was decided that it was the best thing to help the kid’s development for him to go on loan for six months. But Fran will be coming back at the end of the season and he’s confident he will stake a claim for a first-team place next season.

Real Sociedad are currently in the Spanish second division and managed by former Fulham boss Chris Coleman, who is taking time off from the mustard business to try and make it in football. They’re in 6th place in the league and promotion is expected so it could be fun for him over there.

Meanwhile Emmanuel Adebayor has got Arsenal fever. Oooh baby, that’s the kind of fever I like. The Togonator says:

I am a Gunner for life and I want to stay as that. I am enjoying London. The fans are great so why look elsewhere? I’ve always had a soft spot for Arsenal and many people in Africa support them so I also caught that fever.

It is funny how opinions are so divided on him. He’s scored nearly as many goals in the first half of this season as he did in the whole of the last one yet people still give him grief. He’s quite obviously improving, what more do people want? Perhaps they would like him to come to their house after each goal, do the hoovering, make the dinner, walk the dogs, change the cat litter and perform all the other chores that nobody likes doing. Even then they would say ‘Well, it takes him three pushes of the hoover to get all the dirt up off the floor. I wish I had a world class hooverer’. At the moment Adebayor is a upright Dyson and long may it last, you moaning bastards.

Arsene Wenger says he has no problem with Arsenal playing a more ‘direct’ style of football and neither do I. The one thing we were constantly criticised for last season was being a bit too arty-farty and fannying around with the ball too much. Now with Adebayor and Bendtner up front and an opportunistic poacher like Eduardo we can mix it up a bit, as witnessed against Everton. You have to laugh at Moyes trying to criticise saying Everton played all the football and Arsenal just lumped it. Get fucked you mad-eyed Scotch cunt. We played football last season and ended up losing to your hoofing cloggers. I love the nice football, the slick passing, the movement and all that stuff, but I love goals more and I don’t really care if they go in off Adebayor’s nozzle, once they go in.

Away from Arsenal for a second it seems Alan Smith has amnesia. Let me remind you, Alan, you’re a fucking evil little blue-lipped pig. I hope that helps.

Mikel Arteta says he doesn’t blame Cesc for his sending off, preferring instead to call the referee’s decision ‘shit’. I can live with that, professionals know what the game is all about, and he’s not a big whiny bitch like his manager. He’s a good player Arteta, could do a job for us I reckon.

Could Arsenal’s need for a striker due to Robin van Persie being brittle like a kid on a documentary who has brittle bones and falls over and breaks really easily bring about the early arrival of Carlos Vela from Spain? It could, you know.

And that’s really about it. We’ve got West Ham tomorrow at the Grove. They’ll be on a high after beating United so hopefully we can bring them back down to earth. It’ll also mean the return of Freddie who I’m sure will get a good reception. His last couple of seasons with us weren’t his best by a long shot but that man scored some goals for us and was a big part of our successes under Arsene Wenger.

So, it just remains for me to thank all of you who have visited the site in 2007, I wish you all a very happy, peaceful and prosperous 2008, and I’ll talk to you next year.

Have fun.

Arsenal not exactly fourmidable but we're back on top

On a day when things went a bit crazy in the Premier League we went back to the top after a rather strange win against Everton.

We fell behind in the first half when Everton scored from a corner. It went to the back post, Nicklas Bendtner bounced the ball off his knee which set it up perfectly for Yakubu’s head or Cahill’s studs to make it 1-0 to the home side. And really the less said about the first half the better. It’s a long time since I’ve seen us play quite that poorly. There was no cohesion, no passing, and while the front two didn’t do a lot they weren’t helped by getting absolutely no service from the midfield.

So to go out in the second half and score 4 was a bit of a surprise. A very nice surprise. The first came when Eduardo latched onto a long ball which went over the head of Jagielka, controlled it, waited, then just dinked it past Tim Howard. The second was fantastic, Bendtner flicked on Clichy’s long ball (heh, long balls = goals, every way is the Arsenal way), Eduardo showed great strength to hold off Jagielka again before finishing superbly inside the near post. We’re beginning to see now why Arsene paid all that money. In front of goal he’s cooler than a polar bear who has just been given an ice-enema while standing at the North Pole with no fur on. Tremendous. Those were his first league goals for us and when you consider most people would agree he hasn’t had a dazzling start to his Arsenal career he’s still got 9 goals so far. Not bad.

Everton decided they’d fight fire with fire and began pumping long balls towards our defence which, for the most part we dealt with very well. Then as Adebayor was waiting on the sidelines to come on the man he was about to replace, Nicklas Bendtner, got himself a second yellow card for a crude challenge on Andrew Johnson. He was very lucky it wasn’t a straight red to be honest and it was a stupid, idiotic thing to do. But then young players often do stupid things, there are some parallels with Robin van Persie’s sending off at Southampton a few seasons back, and the measure of Bendtner will come when we see if he learns from it. I’d like to think he won’t make another tackle like that again though, it wasn’t nice to see at all.

Luckily the red card didn’t cost us and Adebayor, on for Eduardo then, made it 3-1 after a hilarious mix up between Howard and Yobo. As Adebayor chased down his own flick on the two Everton players dilly-dallied and he nipped in, stole the ball and put it into an empty net.

Everton then went down to ten men when Arteta (a player I like, I have to say) was sent off. Now, the game had been getting a bit tetchy, mostly because of the emnity between Cahill and Cesc who was sent off at Goodison a couple of years ago for attempting to strangle the Australian. Cesc and Arteta were running for the ball and Arteta caught him on the side of the face with a raised arm/elbow. To be honest I’m not sure there was a lot of intent there but he had been a bit reckless with his arms previously. There followed a bit of pushing and shoving and the red card for Arteta. Perhaps Cesc made a bit of a meal of it too, although I don’t suppose any one of their players would have done us the favour of staying upright and saying ‘Carry on, old chap’. And Moyes, to me at least, looks a little silly slagging off Cesc for his reaction after blatant dives by Yakubu and good old Phil Neville, which the ref saw clearly and left unpunished.

Cesc and Flamini (can we please give him a new deal? Like pretty please) picked up yellow cards for nothing much (Flamini’s 5th so he now misses the FA Cup tie against Burnley next Saturday) and Rosicky came on to protect a clearly fired-up Cesc from a second. And it was Rosicky, the master of the icing on the cake goal, who made it 4-1 with a very smart shot inside Howard’s near post after good work from Adebayor and Diaby had set him up. So with United losing earlier in the day to West Ham, who we have next on New Year’s day, we go back to the top of the league with a 2 point lead.

It is funny, isn’t it? After the Portsmouth game in midweek the reaction and bleating from some quarters was so over the top and yet here we are on top of the pile once again. No team has a divine right to win any game. Look at United, 1-0 up against West Ham, they then miss a penalty and end up losing 2-1. I swear you’d have to get armies of Samaritans at the ready if that happened to us, such is the hysteria surrounding any result which is considered less than perfect. Football is not an exact science, anyone can lose to anyone, and while it’s always good to talk I’m not sure some results and players really need the in-depth analysis all the time.

Afterwards Arsene paid tribute to his team that had to battle hard against an Everton side who made life very difficult for us. He said:

We battled. Last season here, Everton played a very physical game and they were very direct. And we lost. It was a great result for us, we showed we can battle, we have a great spirit and showed that we can cope with all kinds of challenges – that is always a sign of a very good side.

And once again we’ve managed to pull off a very decent result without playing particularly well. And that’s also the sign of a very good side. It’s clear our play is not as fluid as it has been but peaks and troughs are natural over the course of the season and if you can come through a trough winning or drawing most of your games then you’re doing all right. We’ll click again but let’s not forget the lads have played 9 games in December, that’s a lot of football so some tiredness and under-par performances are natural. So, top of the league at the turn of the year, the challenge now is to make sure we’re still there in May.

Right, looking around at the other stories the Mail is reporting that Arsenal will try and sign a striker in the transfer window on the back of news that Robin van Persie could be out for another three weeks. If it were true that would be a big blow, although not a huge surprise. We should send him to Lourdes.

Borrusia Dortmund are making no comment on the Jens Lehmann situation. When asked to comment their only comment was ‘no comment’ which doesn’t make it easy for me to comment so I won’t.

Arsene talks about Alan Shearer’s ‘stupid idea’, and leaving aside Shearer he does sum up the modern media perfectly.

And that’s it. I was expecting a bit more in the Sundays about transfers and all that but I can’t find anything. So I’ll leave you to enjoy being top once again, more tomorrow.

Wenger puts Diarra in his place – Saturday round-up

Good morning to you all. Well, it would be a good morning if my head didn’t feel like a million midgets were having a midget party and doing midget poos in it. You see, I blame my good lady wife and that bastard Mugsmasher.

Firstly Mrs Blogs lured me into the realms of Beer O’Clock by being entertaining company before she decided enough was enough and headed home. But by that stage the Mugsmasher had arrived so anything he said seemed like a good idea and what he said was ‘Let’s drink more beer and then some rum’. Evil cunt. On the upside I came home with a nice tumbler and a candle holder that I borrowed from some bar or other so it’s not all bad.

We have football today which is good and the team news is that Gallas is fit, van Persie is injured while Theo Walcott and Eboue are rested. I can understand why Eboue is rested, what with him playing and praying, but Theo has hardly kicked a ball in the last couple of weeks. He needs rest like I need a gin and tonic. Mmmmm, gin and tonic for breakfast. But don’t tell my wife. Anyway, going into some deep analysis of the game this evening I hope we kick the scabby cunts off them. Yes.

Arsene has been talking about stuff, as he is wont to do. Responding to stories about Lassana Diarra and Abou Diaby (two very good friends who are probably sitting around bitching to each other as they share a packet of peanut M&Ms) being unhappy at Arsenal he called them complete pussies. Well, sort of. He said this:

I try to make everybody happy, but it is impossible. Why should I come up and give explanations for every individual who is not happy? It is a joke. When you are a professional footballer, competition is part of your job. We are not in a kindergarten here – we are in a job for men. If they join a club lower in the league then they start saying: ‘I should be playing at a top club’. You expect competition at a big club.

Quite right that man and what a gauntlet he has laid down to Diarra and Co. Basically he reckons they’re a pack of whining, moaning bitches who need to shut the fuck up and concentrate on their jobs and I agree with him 100%. If Diarra went to Villa, for example (no offence to Villa fans), he’d play every week but eventually he’d complain about not being at a ‘big’ club. Apparently now they’re trying to make it illegal for parents to smack their children but this is the equivalent in football terms of a good paddling. Diarra has just been given a spanking and now we’ll see what kind of character he is. Will he be the kind to sulk and call Childline or will he accept the tough love and show us what he’s made of? When you read the rest of the article you know Arsene is right, no other club gives young players such a chance. Some of them take their chances and are grateful for it, some of them show some flashes of good play then complain like cunts when they don’t get picked because they are as consistent as an Irish summer. Shut the fuck up and play football. Or fuck off somewhere else and stop crying like a fucking little baby, stupid little baby.

The boss also called for a clampdown on tackles from behind. Refs have been getting tough on two-footed challenges, and rightly so, but I suspect he’s angry at the kind of tackle Carew made on Hleb which was purely designed to take down the player. He had no chance of getting the ball and ended up injuring the Belalalalarussain. I have no problem with any tackle that is a genuine attempt to get the ball, whether it’s from the side, behind, front or in some dimension we don’t yet know about, but it’s obvious when the intent is to play the man and not the ball and that is something the refs should be able to punish.

He is also looking forward to David Beckham coming to train with the lads, saying the youngsters can learn a lot from him. For me Beckham has always been a bit of a ponce but a good professional. Sure, he’s playing for a pub team now but there’s no doubt training with him will be good for some of the players. At the very least they can get tip-top advice on which sarong to wear out on a Saturday night.

After revealing that he won’t be dipping into the transfer market in the January window he spoke about Robin van Persie being like a new signing. You know, if that boy could stay fit for a whole season he’d score so many goals but sadly he is like the bloke from that film with Bruce Willis who discovers he is indestructible and his arch-enemy is the exact opposite and breaks like a twiggy twig underfoot. Robin is the twiggy twig.

Jens Lehmann is a man who has to make a decision and Arsene won’t stand in his way if he decides to leave. Speaking about his former keeper Arsene said:

I will be sorry to see him go but I don’t want to take him out of the team and stop him from playing in the European Championship. Once he has made up his mind that he wants to go, we’ll see.

I like the way in the article he says if two goalkeepers got injured the situation would change, heh. He is really the master of the between-the-lines insult. Anyway, it looks like Jens is on his way and that’s probably best for all concerned. As I said earlier in the week it’s a shame the way it ended because I’ve always liked Lehmann but the people who accuse Arsene of not being ruthless with his players need to think again. Auf Wiedersehen, Jens, you mental cunt.

Right, apart from Arsene talking about stuff what else is there? Well, Tribal Football (who generally just steal their stories from other websites and publications) are reporting that QPR will spend £1m on Matthew Connolly. He’s currently on loan with Colchester United, I think, and a move to somewhere which offers him first team football would be hard to refuse. For added credibility it’s also being reported in The Sun.

Abou Diaby reckons we can win the league and the Champions league this season. That would be cool, I have to say. You know I’m an abstemious kind of person but if that were to happen I might just let my guard down and have a small sherry, or something.

Congratulations to Bob Wilson who will be awarded an OBE in the new year’s honours list. As well as a fine footballing and broadcasting career Bob has done tremendous work with the Willow Foundation, the charity he founded. Well done, Primrose, it’s well deserved.

Right, I think I need some toast and some more coffee. Here’s to a good win later on, come on you rip-roaring reds.

More tomorrow.

Fresh legs needed for Everton – Arseblog's new look

Morning all, it looks like reports that Robin van Persie would be out for a little while yet were correct when the club announced he would not be part of the squad to face Everton.

With Gael Clichy admitting the squad are feeling a bit tired it would have been nice to get some fresh legs back up front. That said, if the boss wants fresh legs he’s got Bendtner and Eduardo who haven’t played much in the last little while. Eduardo was supposed to be our post-Christmas ‘secret weapon’ but he remains a bit of an enigma. Capable of goals but seemingly way off the pace in the games he scores in. It’s a strange one. All the same I think Everton is going to be a tight affair and his predatory instincts in and around the area could be very handy indeed. And what of Theo Walcott? His pace could cause them all sorts of problems and he would not slump to the ground praying after getting a yellow card not even Rumpole of the Bailey could argue against.

We also have to wait and see about William Gallas whose right foot took a battering against Portsmouth. He would be big loss if he were to be injured but with Kolo still around for the next couple of games it wouldn’t be the end of the world. I’d imagine we’ll get more team news later on today. It’s going to be tough though. Everton are a good side and in good form at the moment. We’re going through a bit of a sticky period so it’s going to take a performance to get the three points up there.

It looks like Jens Lehmann could be on his way back to Borrusia Dortmund, the club we signed him from. Their first choice has been injured and officials apparently flew into London yesterday to discuss a deal. I can’t imagine Arsenal will look for any kind of fee for Jens given his age and the fact there are only a few months left on his contract so bar personal terms there shouldn’t be too much to complicate a transfer, should there be one.

With Jens on his way the Mirror has us linked with a £1m move for Barnsley keeper, Heinz Muller. No, seriously. That’s his name. It’d be like us replacing Liam Brady with Paddy O’Murphy. Fucking hell.

Fran Merida is off to Real Sociedad on loan. Well, that’s what a candidate for the presidency of the club says, it seems Fran has no knowledge of it whatsoever. I am astounded. I cannot believe a potential president of a Spanish football club would simply throw around the name of a young footballer in order to garner votes. What is the world coming to? I mean, imagine the president of Real Madrid saying on TV, two days ago, that Cesc wanted to join them. It is simply beyond the realms of possibility that these people could act in such a way. I mean, that would make them complete and utter cunts, wouldn’t it?

And the eagle-eyed amongst you will have noticed there’s been a lick of paint around the place this morning. No harm in freshening things up a bit, kind of like what Arsene will do when the transfer window opens.

Oh.

Anyway, I think everything should be working like it did before but if you do notice anything odd let me know via the contact link.

Now, I’m off to the physio to get my knee checked out as it is still a bit bollixed. More tomorrow.